Thursday, August 06, 2009
{ 5:23 AM }
i just started reading "ps i love you" and i felt so much more enlightened now. although i have yet to finish the book, it already made me think about me, my life and the things and people around me.
life is so short that before we know it, it has already ended. until now, it seemed as though i just stepped out of my secondary school life yesterday. roughly less than two months more to another big thing. something that will open a new chapter in my life. why does time fly. my jc life seems so blurred i could hardly remember all the details of things that has happened in these two years. they are all but vague details left in my memory.
humans are so vulnerable. we think that we are almighty- we are the most superior of the animals, only we have the ability to destroy and create the environment..but we are still under the mercy of something powerful called death. when faced with death, we shudder. how many when faced with death can smile and say, "lord, take me away."? not many. it's really scary. but death is so unexpected we can never know when it'll come. when we are left we only not long to live, we start to regret things we did not do, things we did not say. every sec is an opportunity. if we lose it, we lose our many chances one by one. i am trying hard to hold onto it. but it's so hard to grasp. everything seemed to be slipping through my fingers and i don't know what to do. it's getting harder each day like climbing up a steep mountain or swimming against the currents. but do i want to live a life of regrets?
it's now or never.
even though i didnt want it, it's still stuck with me for the rest of my life. maybe it's my fault for the outcome now. but i wasn't the only one who wished for it. you played a part in the decision making. you decided to throw away those memories. and so i followed you. i thought i could keep my memories of the past in a box and bury it. but it's useless. it kept on coming back to me, like a ghost haunting me,. the ghost of our past.
p.s.
recently i am easily irritatable and i don't know why. if i have unknowing hurt you, i'm terribly sorry. i have been enjoying the solitude of the bus rides home, sorting things in my mind out. i shouldn't be so mean some times.
